See! No videos!

Today was a usual slow paced, lazy, lots of yoga doing day. I did sit in the hot tub though. That was superb. My muscles are sore from yoga. Hot tub felt lovely. Can I tell you how awesome it felt to be sore in placed other than my calves and feet?? I feel functional again.
Annnnd then I went swimming. Swimming used to be my release, my safety, a passion. Now, it seems like a memory of "the good old days". When I kick I don't go anywhere. My legs used to be what made me the swimmer I was. Big strong Tongan legs. (Probably the only reason I didn't mind a Tongan feature.) I'm sure I'll get the kicking thing down again but I just want to swim. I want to flip turn. I want to dive. Buuut I'll take this one day at a time. That's all I can do for now. I'm counting down the days until Brett gets home by doctor's appointments and what days I might take Ambien. Sleep hasn't improved and my body feels it. I took a 45 minute nap today and I feel like that's all the sleep my body will allow for the next week. Sigh... I know this blog post seems pretty bleak. I'm am just fine. Just getting tired of the same old same old. I probably shouldn't take this for granted because once Bretticus gets home we'll be moving a thousand miles a minute getting everything back in order. I'm so ready for a change of face.
Tonight after hot tubbing Kami and I ran into some deer... elk.... I'm not sure what they were but they were huge. The biggest I've ever seen a deer... or elk... whatever it was. They looked like camels. Although, Kami did inform me that camels were much bigger. I need to check out this camel deal. I need to go to the zoo sometime and see for myself. They have camels at the zoo right? I feel silly not knowing. I figure they have elephants and tigers, they would totally have something that I imagine is a bit less captivating than the lions and tigers and bears. Aaaannnnyway, enough about animals...
I want to be in the medical field. I also like the idea of cosmetology. Maybe I can find a happy medium in the best of both worlds doing people's hair and makeup in hospitals. I'll put an IV in 'em and so we can stay friends I'll do their hair. Brilliant.
Oh! (Boring but whatever) I painted my nails today. I don't think I've painted my nails since I was a sophomore.
I'm going to try and relax now. Wish me luck.

Beautiful

Girls,
You know those days that you would be perfectly happy wearing a big floofy (fluffy + poofy = floofy) dress and dancing around barefoot? I can tell today is going to be one of those days...

Another video...

HERE

I promise there won't be tons of videos anymore. Promise.

I think these videos will make up for me not wanting to type much tonight

WATCH
This!!!
I'm not a big fan of Mr. Buble' but I like the way these lovelies dance... So there you go.

HERE
Is a lovely video. I love these guys.

Enjoy

Midnight snack: popcorn

On the 3rd of January, as I was leaving the airport after parting from my dearest yet again, I thought to myself, self, Brett comes home in about 6 weeks. Christina's wedding is on the 22nd and if you can make it until then you are golden. There are only 19 more days until Brett comes home. Why oh why does the time seem to be multiplying itself but a thousand. I wish I could skip to next week. Or maybe the week after that... I am suddenly very impatient. I don't like it.
It snowed again. I thought I it was done snowing. I usually think it's done snowing and then the blizzard sweeps away my small hope of there being warmth. Foolish me.
I love love love Spring!! The flowers bloom and the snow melts. I love cherry blossoms. They smell fantastic. (Get ready for cliche) I am excited to spend another gorgeous Spring with Brett. Everything is waking up from it's cold, harsh depths of winter. I welcome it with open arms.
Last night I wore my bridesmaids dress at Christina's beautiful wedding. It was short thus showing off my scar. I hesitantly showed it to a few people who asked about my big boot on my right foot. I was hoping to start to peak out of my insecurity but after some gasps and disgusted grimaces I realized that this scar will take some getting used to... still. I feel like such a wuss because I know there are people who have it worse off. I'm not really sure what I want to say about that.
I think my body has set a new sleep pattern for itself; not sleeping at all. Super.
My hair is getting super long. I likes it.
Yoga is very hard to do with one foot. I hope I heal soon. Solve this:
Crutches + snow = ?!

To which I say dude...

Dude as in sooo not cool or radical.
High heels are not in my future. Not with this scar anyway. Oh, AND because all the bones are in different places and it's just weird. Brett is tall. I liked heels. I was just getting the hang of them. I wore a skirt the other day and almost died. I tried to cover some of it up with a high boot... but it didn't really work. This weekend I'll be wearing a short dress. Gulp.
I can not sleep. I've been trying for days and nothing is working. Nothing. I just want to be asleep. Please.
22 more days. It's getting closer but what is taking so long? Hmm??
Last night was Christina's bachelorette party. It was lovely. Christina is going to make a gorgeous bride.
It is amazing how the drama continues after high school. The people that judged me are... If you can't say anything nice, don't say nothin at all. BAH!
WhiskeyMilita had the most gorgeous watch for $40. I wanted it so very badly. It was only available for 5 minutes. Lucky person who got the watch, wear it proudly for me.

Bulleted Interests

Before I start, let me just say that I really haven't been sleeping well and any strange and profound thing I say is coming from that. So, ye be warned.

• I've had to say goodbye more times that I've ever wanted to. But I guess most people can say that. No matter who it is, or what circumstances are it always stings.
  
• Anytime I have access to the internet I check WhiskeyMilitia.com. I saw a shirt on that site a couple weeks ago and it was $1.00. I am very frustrating to shop with because I don't like shopping. Soooo finding clothes turns me into a nightmare. I loved that shirt. It was darling. I haven't seen anything that comes close to sparking an interest in that fashionably numb head of mine. What a pity.
• I was meditating yesterday, trying to relax enough to get a cat nap into my sleepless life when my lovely husband text me to tell me how much he loves me. Cute. I don't remember what the conversation was about but I used the phrase, "You sligh dog, you!" I misspelled sly. I feel so foolish about that. Why?
• My schedules are so tiny they are almost nonexistent. Why can't I sleep? I do nothing. I do nothing all day long.
  
• I am getting really fed up with this no weight on my foot business. Yoga is close to impossible and so help me, if the doctor says I can't get into the water in at LEAST a week I will blow a fuse.
• 24 ish more days until Brett comes home. I've never really been inpatient before. But here I am loudly tapping my pencil on the desk and grinding my teeth.
  
• Sigh... this sigh is representing the 56 minutes of my life that I will never get back after watching the stupidest SNL. Television is crap and it's only getting worse. Ew ew ew ew.
• I colored tonight. With crayons. I drew a picture of a girl with much more emotion behind her than I want to get into right now and a colorful peacock.
  
• Air quality is jeopardizing my respiratory function.
• I'm going to be very surprised if I actually post this. It's all rantings from a sleep deprived woman. But then again, I can do that because this is my blog and this is the place my mind unwinds.
  

It's only finger-lengths that I see

I know I've posted a ton of videos lately but... I think it keeps things interesting when I have no flow of being creative. I watched the trailer for Dear John a million more times tonight. (HERE is the trailer if you are interested in watching it. Highly recommended)
I was very excited to hear one of my new favorite songs, "Set Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol in the preview. (HERE is the music video if you are interested.)
I love this song. I heard it a while back and it hit home with the current situation.

"Set The Fire To The Third Bar"
Snow Patrol (feat. Martha Wainwright)

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My fingers in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

Reruns and novels

The last few nights I've slept pretty good. It was great. My body seems to think otherwise because it's 3 AM and I'm still up.
Lately my "thing" when I can't sleep is watching So You Think You Can Dance reruns. It's working out nicely for me. I watched a number that hit home on so many levels. This dance is choreographed by on of my favorite choreographers, Mia Micheal's. This number is about addiction. Most people quickly relate the word addiction with some kind of substance abuse. I think that everyone sometime in their lives has craved something, some place, someone that they wish they hadn't confronted in the first place.

These are the
words
I can't verbalize
in dance form.

On a lighter note:
I saw the movie trailer for Dear John. I cried.
I've read the book. It's a good book. The movie better be a little different though. There are some things in that book that made me so mad... (I don't want to ruin anything for you)

This song was stuck in my head alllll day

Watch and enjoy

THIS

I did.
I think you might too...

No curling iron included!

Thanks to my semi-newly-"installed"-layers when my hair dries it does this. I love my curls. Why do I straighten my hair? Tell me, why? When it's so wonderfully curly and voluminous I don't remember. These aren't wussy curls either. They start a spiral at the roots. (The volume is outrageous.) It could be the contrast I added to make this picture more dramatic but look at how glossy my hair looks, it really feels that glossy. I feel like my hair should be on a hair product commercial. Not me, just my hair. Sadly enough, I threw my hair up in a pony all day didn't notice it's beauty until 1am.

RIDICULOUS

June 11, 2009

The best day of 2009

There's a lot. I'm unwinding.

To be honest, I have been avoiding blogging. I had a lot of things that I didn't want to spill out. So I waited until some yuletide excitement smothered them. And then I was just busy... So here we are. It's feels good to be back... here... typing away. I don't really know where to begin. So this could be choppy. Buckle in.

I've always thought of New Year's Resolutions to be much like the forgotten video rental. (I still need to return those movies I got with Brett... SEE!!) But a part of me wants to have a few New Year's Resolutions. It won't hurt anyone right? So here are a few things I will forget to do in about March

• I will try to stop worrying so much. I am FINE. Freaked out, Insecure, Nuerotic, and Emotional. (Name that movie!) I am easily freaked out whether by a scary preview at the movies or belated phone calls. I am very insecure in several different categories that I don't really want to go into right now. I am neurotic... (this is stretched but it works for me) with nerve damage from the surgery. (I like the way that sounds. The surgery. THE surgery.) I am very emotional. I wish I could blame anesthesia and pain pills but I can't. I CAN however blame it on lack of mobility and sunlight. Crutches, big black boot, I really don't like you. I can't get out to the gym or carry things or move quickly. The warnings on an air mattress included being careful with infants or persons with limited mobility because they could be entrapped between the wall and the air mattress. I took a risk and slept on an air mattress. I slept well. No entrapping here. Several different contributing factors have turned me into an emotional person. It's the weird, awkward emotional though. The crying, feeling terrible for every bad thing you ever done, lazy, slouchy, sweat pant/ hoodie wearing, pony tail, coke, chocolate, spoonfuls of nuetella, feeling like there is nothing unhealthy about medically induced comas but will settle for taking sleeping pills that don't quite throw you back into reality until noon when half the day is over then piling your Soldier's clothes drenched in his cologne atop your miserable, teary, mess of a self. Sounds pretty terrible, but not to worry. That was sooo 2009. I will keep myself busy and besides, I only have 36 more days until Mr. Brett comes home. But who is counting.
  
• I am going to work out more. When I am all healed of course. I can't wait to run. I think it'll be very different, very pain free. I am so excited to walk long distances not feel compartmental pressure.
• I am going to be more aware of my image. I am... curvy. Is that that good word? Curvy? It sounds feminine so I like it. I am a beautiful woman. I am. (This one will be very hard.)
• I am going to wear lip stick. It doesn't have to be ruby red, but some lip color would be nice in my opinion. What say you?
• I am going to learn some recipes so Brett won't have to cook every night. This is going to keep me busy for 36 days. I am excited. Any suggestions?
• I'm going to paint again.
• I am going to dance with Brett. I don't know if this means we are going to go dancing somewhere or what. I haven't danced with him since our wedding. He is a very impressive dancer. Nice frame ;) Even a dance in the kitchen (corny but I really don't care what you think about this) would suffice.
• I'm going to call my family more. The distance has always been a factor, but um with the technology these days I have no excuse.
• I'm going to be more positive. No really, I am.
• I am going to watch my temper. I can let little things get to me. When I was in 7th grade my Health teacher said that counting to 3 while taking deep, slow breaths can change your whole day. It could be psychological but I think it really works. I'm wearing a hair band on my wrist to remind myself to be take deep breaths. Anytime I start to get worked up I will pull on the elastic band and let it snap down on my wrist. I think it's a little clever. We'll see if it works.
• I am going to be a better wife. This resolution I will not forget come March. I will be better here on out. Among learning how to cook, I am learning to be a wife. An Army wife at that.
  
• I will be a better daughter and sister. I don't write Luke as often as I should. He is doing well! The family got to talk to him on Christmas Eve. He is sounding more and more like an islander. It's so cool.
• I'm going to find a hobby

A lot of this is hard with limited mobility. Not only are crutches a factor, let alone not being able to walk on my right foot at all, I can't drive with my left foot. I tried once in high school. I almost died.

The Holidays were perfect. It was filled with AMAZING HUSBAND BEING HOME, an adorable nephew that I bonded with in the wee morning hours when he'd wake up, (I am sure he will remember those moments we shared together and I will be a favorite aunt) fantastic food, tons of family, treats and goodies, brother from thousands of miles away on a little island calling and sounding very alive and well, singing, pampering, cuddling, mistletoe, and I'll say it again BRETT! BRETT WAS HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!! It was perfect.