Call me Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas

I owe an apology for those of you who get grossed out easily. I am sorry.
For the rest of you, I need to post this. It's kind of a self... (for lack of better words) healing.
Today has been very emotionally trying. Al, my mom and I went to my post op appointment. I knew that there was a large incision on the outside of my calf. I had no clue that it was this big and this shocking. I was not prepared for this one bit. They cut open the plaster splint I had been lugging around with me for the past few days and took off the dressing. I looked at my leg. My heart sank. My first thought was, There is cute shoe or little black dress in the world that would EVER cover up this scar. I was mad at the doctors who wouldn't listen. I never wanted anyone to ever see my legs again. I had so many things running through my head and so many emotions boiling under my skin. I burst into tears. What young woman would be able to ignore this? I know that it looks worse than it really is because of how swollen it is and the stitches. The initial visual was quite the shock to my system. After some pictures and deep breaths I tried to think positively. But I had a really hard time. Honestly I was pretty bitter, I AM pretty bitter but it is what it is. Although, I did find a ray of brightness I can look at; I didn't have to get a skin graft and only 20% of the muscle was removed as opposed to the initial possibility of a much higher percentage that I have forgotten. I remember it was significant though... The top picture shows gauze on the inside of my calf. That is another incision. And that mess on the top of my foot is another incision. I'm not that upset with those two because it's smaller and in my opinion, less noticeable on the inside of my leg, and in a place that can be covered under a shoe, and I was prepared for it.
So now I am sitting here pondering the future of this scar. I wonder if I'll get over it or if I'll buy long skirts and never wear shorts. I guess I'm lucky that it's winter and I have a season to think it over. You can suggest all the ointments and creams you want. But (this is me being bitter) look at my leg. That sucker is there for the rest of my life.
I was very anxious for Brett to call tonight. When he did I vented and cried. He consoled and said encouraging and ensuring things that made things better. I really could have used a hug from him but sweet talking was enough. Haha!
I need a fasciotomy on the other leg. We now know of this post compartment syndrome and can avoid the pain. However we can't avoid the scar. It won't be as big, bit it'll still leave a scar. When I am healed enough they want to put me on an exercise bike to measure the level of stress induced on my right calf when X amount of pressure is applied. Depending on other stuff that I don't really want to go into I might not have to get the original (reconstruct the second metatarsal and lengthen a calf tendon) surgery. But I will for sure have the fasciotomy. A basic definition if a fasciotomy is: a surgical procedure that cuts away the fascia to relieve tension or pressure... by pressure I mean pain. Lots of pain. I would want to get a fasciotomy as soon as possible (preferable when Brett is here for Chritmas) for a couple reasons which I will neatly list below:

• Insurance timing is lovely
• The compartment syndrome can prevail upon me at anytime. If it's under enough stress, it will come.
  

I don't really have anything more to add to this. Probably because the pain pills just kicked in and I'm feeling a bit drugged. So... that's a warp!!!

Thanks for listening. I really needed it :)